We’re told over and over growing up that mistakes don’t define us. But, just as equally as significant to our lives as the good times, the “bad times” or the mistakes DO define us.

I know of this woman who was dirt broke, jobless, divorced, and battling severe depression as a single mother. In her mind, and even to others, she had failed miserably. Not with just a marriage, but her job at the same time. Here she was living on welfare to support a child she couldn’t afford, to keep themselves off the street. She could have let those mistakes repeat themselves, as some of us tend to do. She also could have had the situation become much worse if her pride and ego were bruised enough to not be willing to accept certain necessities.

Instead, this woman accepted what the situation was, accepted that she had made mistakes along the way and decided to use those mistakes to push herself in a different direction. 12 rejected publishers later and J.K. Rowling accepted a mere $4,000 for what would become one of the best selling series of all time propelling her to billionaire status (and she thought $4,000 was the success).

So the why. Why is her story important? It’s one of thousands. And yes, hers is more famously known. But everywhere in the world, across every country people are making all kinds of mistakes. Some with bigger ripples than others. We’re told that we can’t let them define us. But in all reality, that’s the opposite of what we need to do. If you aren’t angered with yourself, embarrassed by your mistake, and wanting something different than the outcome of your mistake…how will anything ever change?

Mistakes define you because they teach you what you don’t want to be, what you don’t want to have. If you allow it, the low feelings you have after making a mistake humble you enough to teach you what you never want to experience again. You learn what your weaknesses and strengths are. In turn, you build a resilience to some of the darkest and poorest moments of your life. A resilience that you carry forever, becoming a better version of yourself. Mistakes aren’t fun, but their invaluable if you let them be.

“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

J.K. Rowling