“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel,” –Maya Angelou

What’s most enduring about a person? Is it the words they exchange with us? Because more often times than not, we aren’t necessarily able to recall what they said word-for-word. If it’s someone you have daily interactions with than, hundreds if not thousands of words are exchanged. Research shows that the average person speaks 7,000 words a day. That’s a whole lot of words, that I can guarantee you barely remember a fraction of per day. Is it the time we spend together? If I were to ask you of the past 24 hours, usually you can give a general gist of what your time spent was doing, but there is no way you will playback every minute.

Life lessons teach us to be mindful of the things we say and do, because we may never know how they are affecting someone. But it’s not because those words or actions will be the enduring memories, it’s because the way we make that person feel will be. That will be how we are remembered.

I had a great mentor relationship with one of my high school teachers. Some of his words stuck with me, the actions that he took for me to be successful as well, but the main reason? The main reason I remember the power of his presence -the wisdom, elegance, compassion- was because of the way he made me feel. Mr. Gazzola made sure to make each individual feel like they were extraordinary. His life was decorated with copious honors for outstanding performances, but more revealingly, it was the rapport he had with his students and the people around him that earned him his greatest distinction.

He once told me my aura was luminous; that I was like a beacon and I’d light the way for others. I will never forget the way pride surged through me after reading those words. And I will admit, when I’m feeling like I’m failing, tired, maybe a little broken…I reminisce on those words and the way they made me feel. That despite being a young Latina with a ton of personal flaws, fear, and sometimes insurmountable obstacles, I’m capable of anything, even when I feel like I’m not. I vowed that I would cultivate that same kind of presence –that ability to move people’s souls in a positive way– because I firsthand know the power in it. Mr. Gazzola helped teach me that.

But he wasn’t the only. Much like Mr. Gazzola’s presence left others feeling absolutely phenomenal, there are some who can leave me with a feeling that’s quite the opposite. We each have an array of characters around us. The opposites may undervalue us, disrespect us, and leave a bitter taste in our mouths. This may even be you. Mistakes happen, people are human, but it’s having the self-awareness to understand that it’s sometimes the most minute things that have the biggest impact. That we can be intentional in how we leave people feeling. That what we say to others is less important than how we choose to communicate something. And that what we do is less important than how we do it. That no matter how much time may pass, it’s how we made them feel that will be remembered.

Maya Angelou’s words continue to ruminate with me quite a bit as of late. Maybe it’s because Kobe Bryant (posthumously) was officially nominated to be inducted into the Naithsmith Hall of Fame. More than any of his highlight reels, or his accomplishments on paper, I see the effects of how he made people feel by watching the hundreds of videos and murals being made of him.  People are talking of his greatest scoring output and the points he averaged, yes….but the memories being shared the most? About the way he lived, who he was.

Words are easily forgotten, actions slipping from our memories even more…but feelings and emotions are seared in the minds of everyone. It’s up to you to decide how you want people to remember you.