I’ve been on a quest, chasing happiness like it’s some kind of potion I can stick in a bottle. As if some stranger on the street is going to hand it to me and tell me “Here! You’re happy now!” Finally realizing it’s not happiness I’ve been after, but peace. Peace with what my life is. My life doesn’t look conventional, but what does conventional even mean? Normal, ordinary? Alyssa Veliz has never wanted that or to be anything close to that.

Take my middle name for example, Saturnina. How UNconventional is that? Where does the name even come from? The planet? Origen says it means the Gift of Saturn. So I’m supposed to be some kind of gift to the world? I wanted to delve a bit further, though I’m not one that buys into astrology I thought “what the heck, why not?” Birthdays have a funny way of making you reflect in different ways. My 33rd just passed (wait, don’t I mean my 21st??).

According to the “experts” (who are the experts?) the planet Saturn knows the limits of time. Saturn brings definition to others lives. Is that why I’m a teacher? Kind of crazy that my name, my planet, is known as the teacher. I’ve never felt more right about anything in the world than when I am standing in my classroom. That’s about one of the only things I feel sure about. So for someone who has always wanted to be unconventional, why am I chasing such a conventional ideal? And that’s when it hit me, or I ran into it…I can be clumsy. 

I am chasing what the world defined as happiness, not what puts me at peace. Which I’m still figuring out. And that’s ok. I’m less focused on how life looks and more invested in the way things feel. Whatever wasn’t meant for me will or has passed. And whatever is meant for me I am stepping into. I am allowing more space for things and people that bring ease into my life.

They say there is a fate worse than death, it’s living to hear eulogies for the person you could have been. And as difficult as it can be, a million times over I rather live as unconventionally as possible than to try to be something or chase something I wasn’t meant to have. I have a gift to impart.

Saturnina..cut from a different cloth. They don’t even make the fabric anymore. You know…Saturn is in exaltation in the sign of Libra. So Saturn…she’s rising.